It just happened.
Four years and a half after leaving Italy, the real opportunity to clarify my mind and put into written words the reasons of why I left Italy, without saying anything to anyone (apart from my parents and sister), just presented itself, like a God’s hand.
If this post and my hidden thoughts of that famous 2013 are seeing the light, it is thanks to the one person that has never turned me down and has always supported me.
Just like a real friend that has understood my being, my choices and my desires, and to whom now I owe the world and say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
So, what pushed me to keep everything inside for a whole twelve months period of time?
– I was tired of mediocrity, of the narrow Italian mentality and especially of the town I was living. I wanted more from life, more openness, fewer prejudices.
– I was tired of compromising my identity to please others in order to not start arguments.
– I was tired of not being able to convey my desires, and my identity, because afraid of being judged and left apart. Things were taking personally and not in constructive ways.
– I had never been independent and able to make it myself. This, however, thanks to the splendid generous family I grew up.
– I was completely unaware of life problems because I had never encountered before. I wanted to learn how to solve them myself.
– I have always admired those who have been able to build themselves up from scratch, especially if coming from difficult family situations. I wanted to be able to make it, just like them.
– Because of the environment, I grew up, of highly skilled professionals (that I have always cherished), I had felt, in my teenage years, the black sheep of the family. The one who has never reached the top grades, who has always had difficulties in science topics or that has only been slightly above average in playing football.
– I was raised with the idea of achieving the best. The best if compared to others. But the reality is that I have never reached it. What I have only wanted to be, was the being the best version of myself.
– I had felt like having been taken for granted, especially from friends. Just as my presence didn’t have a value, because I had always been there, for everybody.
– If I had told someone of my plans, there would have been an atmosphere of prejudices and judgments that would have created second thoughts in my mind until the point of almost giving up.
– I wanted to create a breakpoint. I was impatient, irascible, selfish and arrogant. I could not see in between white or black, but just one or the other.
– I was immature and, until leaving, I’ve never had the courage to say what I wanted or at least explain myself with calm and humility.
However, most of all, and on top of all this, I wanted to see the world, live with people of to me unknown backgrounds and cultures, speak different languages, be surrounded by strangers with whom I have interests in common and share the same worldview, but that predominantly could judge people by who they are and not the status they have.